The dreaded day of every year.
A day that gives me a swarm of emotions.
October 28.
The day I lost my big brother.
My best friend.
My comforter.
My protector.
My joy.
The one that could always bring a smile to my face.
The one that always picked on me. (That's what brothers are supposed to do, right?)
The one that was always there for me.
October 28.
The day my world turned upside down and completely changed.
The day my perfect little world, came crashing down, and completely shattered.
The day a piece of my heart left this earth & will only be put back into place when I take my last breath.
This day brings me a lot of emotions. Obviously I miss my brother more than words can express. I miss him picking on me, when he would walked into the room and yelled "Scooter!" as soon as he saw me and I would go running to him and jump into his arms where he would pick me up and spin me around, when I would ask him to go jump on the trampoline and he would say "honey, bro-bro no do trampolines", when he would mow the yard with me sitting on his lap, and the days where just me and him would go hang out, go to the gas station, and get those big chewy sweet tarts (but not eat the yellow ones because those are gross). This day makes me happy though because I am incredibly blessed to have had 10 years with him and share the memories I do have of him. To have had the opportunity to have had the best big brother there is. It gives me feelings of hope because even though his choices did not always show it, my brother loved Jesus, so I know one day I will get to see him again! Boy, that is going to be an awesome day.... I'm overwhelmed with grief on this day every year, yet at the same time, at complete peace because I know that God has a reason for everything (and He has shown me reasons as to why He called my brother home).
My brother had an impact not only on my life, but with most of the people he came in contact with. He was a hard worker, a good friend, listened to what you had to say, and genuinely cared about others. He had a heart of gold and always such a servant. Yes, he had his flaws- but don't we all?
There was definitely never a single dull moment with my Bro-Bro. He was the "Zack Morris" of his high school. He always knew how to light up a room and bring a smile to anyone's face. That might be what I miss the most.
Two of my favorite quotes he always said:
> "If you're going to do it, do it right or don't do it at all."
> "2nd place is the 1st loser!"
About 3 years before my brother died, he wrote out a list of "Things About Myself".
Here's a few of the things off his list:
> "I strive for perfection" (maybe thats where I get that from...?)
> "I like things to go a certain way, usually my way!"
> "Setting and achieving goals is a must"
> "Being late is unacceptable" (oops...)
> "I believe you should do what you say you are going to do"
> "I can't stand excuses and I am not interested in hearing them"
> "I hate lazy people"
> "I think if its the truth you shouldn't be afraid to say it."
> "With no trust in a person you have nothing- If you ever lose trust it is so hard to gain it back"
> "People you think are your friends may not really be."
> "I do not always make 'wise' decisions"
> "Don't make excuses nobody cares." (he must really not like excuses, he mentioned that twice)
> "You can always be replaced with someone better."
> "Try to save something however pay your bills first."
He was always so goofy, but I definitely have learned a lot of good life lessons from him.
I miss him more and more everyday.
Whoever said "it gets easier with time", clearly has never lost anyone close to them because it only gets harder. But with my Jesus, I've made it this far and will continue on.
Life is hard without my brother being here with me, but God has given me opportunities to share my brother's story countless times with people (specifically teenagers) who are hurting and need Jesus.
My brother made mistakes and made bad decisions.... my brother was a drug addict.
Him and his girlfriend at the time decided to go for a drive while being under the influence of God only knows what. His girlfriend was driving and lost control of the vehicle. While he was thrown from the vehicle and died instantly at the scene, she walked away injury free.
Do I think this is fair?
No.
But this is God's plan.
Do I have bitterness and resentment towards her?
No.
Why?
Jesus.
I can't explain it, it doesn't make sense. All I know is that I know what Jesus has had to forgive me of, and I have no right to hold anything against her.
I miss my brother.
He was only 24... so young, with so much life ahead of him.
But I know that he no longer is addicted to drugs.
He is no longer suffering.
Just because he was on drugs does not make him a bad person- he just made a bad decision (that unfortunately cost him his life).
His story is a lesson that we can all learn from.
Do not drink.
Do not do drugs.
But love those who do-
Pray for those with these addictions, because only He can fix it.
Drugs and alcohol are only tools of Satan that ruin families, relationships, friendships... Nothing good comes from these addictions. But Jesus came to set us free.
October 28.
The day I learned how to truly forgive.
The day that when I had nothing left, Jesus became my everything.
Fly high bro-bro.
[*Jody Wayne Spurlin: March 8, 1982- October 28, 2006*]
http://scain02.blogspot.com/2011/10/impressions-on-our-hearts.html?m=1
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