So, I have this random obsession with reading books about dating. I always have, and probably always will because I find it very interesting... weird, I know. My favorite is definitely Chad Eastham. He writes the absolute best books about dating, but why I love him is because he compares and contrasts males and females and how our brains work differently (which I just find fascinating).
This blog is not about one of Chad Eastham's books (even though I'm sure there will be one eventually) but on "Boundaries In Dating" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I'm specifically talking about chapter 4 "Dating Won't Cure A Lonely Heart".
The issue discussed in this chapter has always been one that really bothers me and a huge issue in our society. We are so focused on being in a relationship that we forget about the point of a relationship- caring about and possibly marrying that person. I tell one of my friends all the time, "You don't actually care about her, you just want a girlfriend & you can 'make do' with her". And unfortunately, this is the idea of a lot of people in our generation- both guys and girls.
Why are our girls not being taught that they deserve so much more than a guy that disrespects and abuses them? Why are our guys not being taught that caring for another person is not a sign of weakness, but instead of strength? Since when does it make us "cool" or not, based on if we are in a relationship?
You must deal with your fear of aloneness before you ever enter into a relationship or there is no chance of you being happy because you will not have the ability to be choosy enough to pick the right person for you, a healthy one. You are going to settle for someone less than you deserve. DO NOT settle! God has so much more for you than to settle for anyone less than who He has picked out for you! So be patient and wait. Please just wait.
While you are single, focus on becoming the person God has created you to be. Being single is a gift. I know, that sounds crazy, but it is! Being single is the time to figure out who you are as a person, what you want in a future spouse, and a time for you to build lasting friendships. Being single can be fun! You aren't tied down to anything/ anyone, get involved in your church/school/whatever, find friends, or travel.
This book gives suggestions on "How to cure your aloneness without a dating relationship":1. Strengthen your relationship with God. Make Him your first priority so that you are not trying to get 'God needs' met by a relationship with a person.2. Strengthen your relationships with safe, healthy Christians. You need people to support you and are there for you when you need to talk, those people that can encourage you, but also tell you the hard things that you need to hear as well.3. Pursue wholeness. If you have issues from childhood experiences, past relationships, or family issues, these need to be addressed and worked out. Your relationships will never work if you are looking for the other person to fill these needs and fix your problems. If your dad walked out on you as a child, girls, DO NOT get into a relationship with a guy to try to fill that void in your life. You need to resolve that issue, get consoling if needed. Jesus is a "Father to the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5), let Him fill every void and become all that you need.
Please do not use other people to satisfy your selfish needs. If you are jumping from relationship to relationship, there is a problem. If you stay in a relationship that you know you shouldn't be in for fear of being single, there is a problem. If you have settled for someone that does not value and respect you and you can't walk away from it because you don't want to be alone, there is a problem.
"You must get to a place where you are happy with your life apart from a dating relationship in order to be happy with one."
Another good blog talking about patience in dating:
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