Dating Won't Cure A Lonely Heart

So, I have this random obsession with reading books about dating.  I always have, and probably always will because I find it very interesting... weird, I know.  My favorite is definitely Chad Eastham.  He writes the absolute best books about dating, but why I love him is because he compares and contrasts males and females and how our brains work differently (which I just find fascinating).

This blog is not about one of Chad Eastham's books (even though I'm sure there will be one eventually) but on "Boundaries In Dating" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  I'm specifically talking about chapter 4 "Dating Won't Cure A Lonely Heart".

The issue discussed in this chapter has always been one that really bothers me and a huge issue in our society.  We are so focused on being in a relationship that we forget about the point of a relationship- caring about and possibly marrying that person.  I tell one of my friends all the time, "You don't actually care about her, you just want a girlfriend & you can 'make do' with her".  And unfortunately, this is the idea of a lot of people in our generation- both guys and girls.

Why are our girls not being taught that they deserve so much more than a guy that disrespects and abuses them?  Why are our guys not being taught that caring for another person is not a sign of weakness, but instead of strength?  Since when does it make us "cool" or not, based on if we are in a relationship?

One of my favorite quotes is "You are not ready to date, until you are ready not to date".  Confusing, I know.  But you cannot be happy in a relationship if you are not happy being single.  Because trust me, I don't care how awesome you think that special someone is going to be, they will fail you.  They cannot be your Savior and change your life.  They will screw up, they will not be there for you.If you are lonely DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT enter a relationship with someone.  It will only end in disaster and even more loneliness and self-esteem issues.

You must deal with your fear of aloneness before you ever enter into a relationship or there is no chance of you being happy because you will not have the ability to be choosy enough to pick the right person for you, a healthy one.  You are going to settle for someone less than you deserve.  DO NOT settle!  God has so much more for you than to settle for anyone less than who He has picked out for you!  So be patient and wait.  Please just wait.

While you are single, focus on becoming the person God has created you to be.  Being single is a gift.  I know, that sounds crazy, but it is!  Being single is the time to figure out who you are as a person, what you want in a future spouse, and a time for you to build lasting friendships.  Being single can be fun!  You aren't tied down to anything/ anyone, get involved in your church/school/whatever, find friends, or travel.

This book gives suggestions on "How to cure your aloneness without a dating relationship":

1. Strengthen your relationship with God.  Make Him your first priority so that you are not trying to get 'God needs' met by a relationship with a person.

2. Strengthen your relationships with safe, healthy Christians.  You need people to support you and are there for you when you need to talk, those people that can encourage you, but also tell you the hard things that you need to hear as well.

3. Pursue wholeness.  If you have issues from childhood experiences, past relationships, or family issues, these need to be addressed and worked out.  Your relationships will never work if you are looking for the other person to fill these needs and fix your problems.  If your dad walked out on you as a child, girls, DO NOT get into a relationship with a guy to try to fill that void in your life.  You need to resolve that issue, get consoling if needed.  Jesus is a "Father to the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5), let Him fill every void and become all that you need.

Please do not use other people to satisfy your selfish needs.  If you are jumping from relationship to relationship, there is a problem.  If you stay in a relationship that you know you shouldn't be in for fear of being single, there is a problem.  If you have settled for someone that does not value and respect you and you can't walk away from it because you don't want to be alone, there is a problem.

"You must get to a place where you are happy with your life apart from a dating relationship in order to be happy with one."

Another good blog talking about patience in dating:

http://dishingsomekristyn.blogspot.com/2014/10/patience.html

Little Sister Left Behind

October 28.
The dreaded day of every year.
A day that gives me a swarm of emotions.

October 28.
The day I lost my big brother.
My best friend.
My comforter.
My protector.
My joy.
The one that could always bring a smile to my face.
The one that always picked on me. (That's what brothers are supposed to do, right?)
The one that was always there for me.

October 28.
The day my world turned upside down and completely changed.
The day my perfect little world, came crashing down, and completely shattered.
The day a piece of my heart left this earth & will only be put back into place when I take my last breath.

This day brings me a lot of emotions. Obviously I miss my brother more than words can express.  I miss him picking on me, when he would walked into the room and yelled "Scooter!" as soon as he saw me and I would go running to him and jump into his arms where he would pick me up and spin me around, when I would ask him to go jump on the trampoline and he would say "honey, bro-bro no do trampolines", when he would mow the yard with me sitting on his lap, and the days where just me and him would go hang out, go to the gas station, and get those big chewy sweet tarts (but not eat the yellow ones because those are gross).  This day makes me happy though because I am incredibly blessed to have had 10 years with him and share the memories I do have of him.  To have had the opportunity to have had the best big brother there is.  It gives me feelings of hope because even though his choices did not always show it, my brother loved Jesus, so I know one day I will get to see him again! Boy, that is going to be an awesome day....  I'm overwhelmed with grief on this day every year, yet at the same time, at complete peace because I know that God has a reason for everything (and He has shown me reasons as to why He called my brother home).

My brother had an impact not only on my life, but with most of the people he came in contact with.  He was a hard worker, a good friend, listened to what you had to say, and genuinely cared about others.  He had a heart of gold and always such a servant.  Yes, he had his flaws- but don't we all?

There was definitely never a single dull moment with my Bro-Bro.  He was the "Zack Morris" of his high school.  He always knew how to light up a room and bring a smile to anyone's face.  That might be what I miss the most.

Two of my favorite quotes he always said:
   > "If you're going to do it, do it right or don't do it at all."
   > "2nd place is the 1st loser!"

About 3 years before my brother died, he wrote out a list of "Things About Myself".
Here's a few of the things off his list:
   > "I strive for perfection" (maybe thats where I get that from...?)
   > "I like things to go a certain way, usually my way!"
   > "Setting and achieving goals is a must"
   > "Being late is unacceptable" (oops...)
   > "I believe you should do what you say you are going to do"
   > "I can't stand excuses and I am not interested in hearing them"
   > "I hate lazy people"
   > "I think if its the truth you shouldn't be afraid to say it."
   > "With no trust in a person you have nothing- If you ever lose trust it is so hard to gain it back"
   > "People you think are your friends may not really be."
   > "I do not always make 'wise' decisions"
   > "Don't make excuses nobody cares." (he must really not like excuses, he mentioned that twice)
   > "You can always be replaced with someone better."
   > "Try to save something however pay your bills first."

He was always so goofy, but I definitely have learned a lot of good life lessons from him.

I miss him more and more everyday. 

Whoever said "it gets easier with time", clearly has never lost anyone close to them because it only gets harder.  But with my Jesus, I've made it this far and will continue on.  

Life is hard without my brother being here with me, but God has given me opportunities to share my brother's story countless times with people (specifically teenagers) who are hurting and need Jesus.  

My brother made mistakes and made bad decisions.... my brother was a drug addict.

Him and his girlfriend at the time decided to go for a drive while being under the influence of God only knows what.  His girlfriend was driving and lost control of the vehicle.  While he was thrown from the vehicle and died instantly at the scene, she walked away injury free. 

Do I think this is fair? 

No. 

But this is God's plan.  

Do I have bitterness and resentment towards her?

No.

 Why? 

Jesus.

I can't explain it, it doesn't make sense.  All I know is that I know what Jesus has had to forgive me of, and I have no right to hold anything against her.  

I miss my brother.  

He was only 24... so young, with so much life ahead of him.

But I know that he no longer is addicted to drugs.

He is no longer suffering.

Just because he was on drugs does not make him a bad person- he just made a bad decision (that unfortunately cost him his life).

His story is a lesson that we can all learn from.

Do not drink.

Do not do drugs. 

But love those who do- 

Pray for those with these addictions, because only He can fix it.

Drugs and alcohol are only tools of Satan that ruin families, relationships, friendships... Nothing good comes from these addictions.  But Jesus came to set us free.

October 28.

The day I learned how to truly forgive.

The day that when I had nothing left, Jesus became my everything.

Fly high bro-bro. 

[*Jody Wayne Spurlin: March 8, 1982- October 28, 2006*]

Another blog done by someone close to Jody: 
http://scain02.blogspot.com/2011/10/impressions-on-our-hearts.html?m=1

Time Flies...

Everyone says it- "Time flies when you're having fun!"
But I never knew how fast it really would....
Freshman year I did a photo shoot with Blink of an Eye Photography located in North Carolina.

 This one is still one of my absolute favorites....

Just a few weeks ago, Blink of an Eye Photography did my senior pictures.
4 years have come and gone.
Just like that.
Before I knew it, before I felt like I've even had time to blink.

I've gone from that nervous, little freshman to a girl about to graduate in 8 months.
A girl who has now applied and been accepted to college, who still is trying to figure out what she is going to do with her life, and who she is becoming.
But a girl who has come a long way since freshman year- both physically and maturely, yet, still has a very long way to go too.

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.” 
~ Audrey Hepburn

Don't blink.  Life is passing by, oh so fast. 

**Check out http://blinkofaneyephotographync.com for all photography needs- senior session, family portraits, weddings, etc.**

What am I even doing here anyways?

So....
I'm not a mom...
Nor a creative person....
Nor someone with an interesting life....
I'm actually just an average high schooler....
So why am I even starting a blog?

I don't even know.

Sometimes I just feel the need to type things out that are going on in my head- and Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. are just not the place to say what's really on my mind.  This is almost like my diary, except its public, and I'm not going to write about any deep, dark secrets (because thats just not very smart).  So I guess not really like a diary, at all actually. 

As you can tell, I'm a little random.  
But I do have a heart for Jesus, so most posts will have to do my love for Him and what He has placed on my heart, or what He is doing in my life at that particular time.
I also love fashion and everything girly (hence the blog's name: "diva"), so I may post things like that on here as well sometimes.
My friends, family, and life in general sometimes can be pretty... well... unique. 
Like I said before, I'm just a high schooler, so this blog is about to be a journey- stopping and reminiscing at past memories, looking forward at my future and dreams ahead, but also just taking a break and enjoying the present.

So....
You never know just where these blogs might lead....
But I hope you will enjoy this thing that I call "life"-
And will enjoy being "Behind the Scenes of a Real Life Diva" (aka me).